First Portrait C&C Please

[thisbejonas]

OK here is my first attempt at portraits and Im not really happy with it but cant figure out why. Had a problem with the poses as they are siblings and most the poses I came up with seemed to intimate for siblings. Also lighting, had strobe 45 degrees cam right thru soft box as primary, strobe cam left thru umbrella and 580exii behind them pointed at background to try to seperate them as the first pics thier hair blended into the background. C&C please. This is for thier mother for Xmas so I can get them back to try to make it better. Shot with Canon 24-70 2.8L

Camera: Canon EOS 40D
Exposure: 0.025 sec (1/40)
Aperture: f/11
Focal Length: 25 mm
ISO Speed: 100
Exposure Bias: 0 EV
Flash: Flash did not fire

[ToPpS]

C&C hey?? Well i can try....

Umm,
I know you said that they are siblings and you didn't want it to be too intimate, but there still need to some "closeness" conveyed which is fair because they are family.
Maybe a closer framing of torsos and heads... there just seems to be too much dead space in this shot.
You mentioned trying to separate them for the background.... and the lighting worked well... but try bring them further away from the backdrop and try blur it out much more. This will also allow you to do a harsher gradient on it.
And my final C&C is to watch out for what clothing your subjects are wearing. The guys shirt is so bright and colourful, that it overpowers everything else. Try more subtle colours and simple patterns...

Just my feelings based upon the above shot.

[dhart]

The lighting looks good, but as I do mostly outdoor shots, maybe others can comment on the setup and have suggestions. There is a shadow on her neck, but not sure how to fix it with the setup. Also, if he tilts his head up a tad, there won't be a shadow at his eyes. The exposure looks pretty good, as well as the details in the clothes.

The framing looks heavy on the right. Perhaps having her sit on the left next time?

As for poses, maybe Google for ideas? I am also sure that there will be a lot of suggestions here as well.

[thisbejonas]

I had shot them farther from the background but then where the paper makes the corner to come down on the floor it created a line in the photo that went across thier torsos and I couldnt figure out how to get rid of that except to put them in position that they blocked the entire line i.e. scoot them closer to background. I agree with the dead space but after googling portraits it kept saying use triangles in sets of three so with his head up to her head down to his knee I created the three triangles, but like you say that leaves alot of dead space. The pose well Im still in the air as well but every pose I could find with only 2 people in seemed ALOT more intimate than this one. When I get him back over to reshoot I will mention more neautral clothes this time. I think that alone might help it some.
Thanks for yalls input, anymore would be greatly apreciated

[kelleyrie]

I think it looks unbalanced with only his feet on the left side...maybe a crop would help?

[thisbejonas]

Is this any better?

[Nathan deGargoyle]

I think he looks fine but her pose looks a little uncomfortable - like she's forcing herself up to be seen. Maybe have them sitting back to back leaning against each other, or have her in front and him behind.

EDIT. That comment refers to the original shot. I think your crop looks a lot better.