How to talk shop without inviting critiques?

[SusanAshlea]

A friend of mine and I both do photography on the side. We were friends before we got into photography, which may be a bad thing. She went digital long before I did and naturally has more work coming her way, so apparently she thinks that this means she is "better" than I am. For the record I don't think either one of us are better than the other, I just know that I spend alot more time post processing, and she hardly uses any.

So, he were are at dinner a couple weeks ago and I had no desire to talk shop. But it came up, so the rest of the dinner conversation was centered around our different photography gigs, weddings, gear, etc. She proceeded to tell me that my gear is not as good as hers, and I am silly for buying a flash diffuser when "a baby's sock works just as good", and I shouldn't have wasted my money on CS3 when I could have gotten an old version of Elements that would do the same things full blown CS3 would. She also talked over and over again about how she has no desire to take pictures anymore and is gonna quit...and in the same breath says she is converting her garage to a studio!

And then, it came: the critiqueing. Even though I never once brought up the subject of photography she decided to tell me what was wrong with all of my photos. Namely that "they are good, but waaaaay too dark." I go home, check out the pictures and asked several people, and the original clients if they were too dark. I was told was they weren't too dark. So, my friend posts some portraits and my eyes were hurting from how bright they are. And very badly washed out.

I am thinking that my friend's monitor might need to be calibrated. But how can I tactfully tell her so? Also, how is a nice way of telling someone that unless I specifically ask, I don't want my photos critiqued. I don't do that with her unless she asks so I would like the same courtesy.

That's all--and I just wanted to vent.

[maxharvard]

Sounds like she needs attention. Has she always been this way or is a new phenomenon?

Has something happened in her life recenty that was significant to her? How about you? Anything happen recently?

[SusanAshlea]

Originally Posted by maxharvard

Sounds like she needs attention. Has she always been this way or is a new phenomenon?

Has something happened in her life recenty that was significant to her? How about you? Anything happen recently?

She has always been a "drama queen" of sorts-but I am too to a certain degree. Typically I know what topics to avoid and not bring up so as to not invite any dramatic conversation.

I am perfectly happy to exist as friends without ever talking about photography, because of her drama queen-ness. but alas, she always brings it up. =(

[vandergus]

Wow, I hope she wasn't one of your good friends. I can kind of relate. My cousin-in-law (sounds like a distant relation but we are about the same age and see each other a bit) is a casual photographer and we like to talk about the subject. Luckily it doesn't usually get into individual critiques of each other's photographs. I think we both want to avoid any awkward situations. The biggest mistake your friend made was assuming that you want to make the same type of photographs that she makes. Photography is a highly personal hobby and each person is trying their best to create their own vision of things. If she wants to make here contrasty, blown out portraits (and I think I know exactly what style your talking about) great. If you like your pictures a little darker and more evenly exposed, super.

Hope your venting made you feel better

[prince]

Politely you can say you are happy with your shots and your clients are too. How about bringing up the tpic of monitor calibration? Just use someone else's example and then ask her if she has ever had her calibrated.

Usually if I like my friends except 1 or 2 annoying habits, which most of us will have.. than I just ignore when they start annoying or try to divert the talk to some neutral topic.. Ignorance is bliss ... most of the times haha..

[Dodgeinart]

I agree with Prince. Your happy, clients are happy, she should be happy for you. Had the same thing start with a buddy of mine. It quieted down when I constantly pointed out we have different tastes and styles.

[crazzy88ss]

I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like your friend is an idiot and doesn't know what she's doing.

"I'm going to quit right after I convert my garage to a studio" and then "your pictures are too dark while mine are way over blown." I wonder if she even knows what she's saying...

[candleman]

i hate it when the guy on the street is suddenly an expert...

the best thing to do is just forget it. no point stirring up mud in your drinking water. (especially if she's a close friend)
unless its driving you mad.. then say something "i dont mean to offend you. but.........."

[Saralonde]

She sounds a bit insecure. If you are tired of talking shop with her, try saying, "I'd love to relax and take my mind off of photography right now. Why don't we talk about...".

You and your clients are happy with your style of photography and with your finished shots and that should be enough. As for monitor calibration, I have a feeling she'll tell you she doesn't need to do it.

[xxpinballxx]

the voice of reason Saralonde....Id probably go the other way and break a bottle of chianti over her head but thats just me....i tend to take it to dark place...!
Actually it sounds like she needs validation and thinks that time invested is equal to quality....i know people shooting for years that dont have an ounce of talent and vice versa.....
Let it roll off the back and dont engage just talk about something else.
She'll get the point....
as for her monitor....if she is getting work and people are liking it then maybe her style is just a bit more hgh key....i would worry about it either way.