My wife finally questioned the "camera expense"...

[sk66]

A Nikon 500mm f/4D af lens "showed up" a few days ago.....
Her: "is that a new lens"
Me: "yeah"
Her: " I don't think I want to know"..... "I bet the camera gear could pay for my kitchen" (we are currently under remodel and she's "cheap")
Me: "yeah, at retail prices I guess it would" (I buy used/Ebay)
Her::........

Hmmm......not good....
But I bought her a Vitamix Pro blender for christmas.....she'll be thrilled, maybe enough to deflect? I know, its a kitchen appliance..I also got her some fuzzy slippers....

[Hill Country Hack]

Have fun with the new lens.

[litenphrame]

You could always ask her about what she spends her money on. She spends her money on the things she likes............I know, another deflection. Oh well, it's already bought.

[Peach]

Fuzzy slippers so she can keep her feet warm while she operates a kitchen appliance?

You like sleeping in the dog house, don't you? :P

[EmyB]

Gosh I would never buy an expensive lens without clearing it with hubby first!! I don't blame your wife! That's really rude and disrespectful in my opinion.

[Peach]

Originally Posted by EmyB

Gosh I would never buy an expensive lens without clearing it with hubby first!! I don't blame your wife! That's really rude and disrespectful in my opinion.

To me, it would depend on how finances were handled in the house.

If, for example, I were married and I didn't work but stayed home, and my husband was the "breadwinner", so to speak, it's not really my place to say what he does with "his" money. Likewise if the roles were reversed.

If both of us were working and contributing to the house, then I'd prefer to be involved in the decision to purchase something expensive; I certainly wouldn't want to come home and see a brand new car in the driveway when the house needs a major repair or something.

On something this expensive, with shared finances, I'd want to be consulted.

[LMAshton]

In my house, the husband earns the living, I take care of him, so while he earns the money, it's all ours, not his. And we both have full veto rights on all purchases. For us, that works very well and there are no surprise purchases.

I don't like surprises. He doesn't either.

[EmyB]

Originally Posted by Peach

To If, for example, I were married and I didn't work but stayed home, and my husband was the "breadwinner", so to speak, it's not really my place to say what he does with "his" money. Likewise if the roles were reversed.

So you would never feel comfortable spending any of "his" money?? Say your hubby were a stay at home Dad and you were earning the money - he's not allowed to be involved in money management? All sounds very odd to me.

In my opinion marriage is a partnership, and it is "our" money, not his/hers. I have been a stay at home Mum, and I have also been the breadwinner. We each clear large purchases with each other. If nothing else it's simply showing respect.

OP - how about your wife goes ahead and signs the contract on her kitchen renovation without consulting you, and you find out because the builders just show up one day - how does that make you feel??

[gturner]

My wifr has called my camera bag "her new kitchen" for years.
Just this week I started to feel really guilty. I hope it will pass before I do something silly.

[Peach]

Originally Posted by EmyB

So you would never feel comfortable spending any of "his" money?? Say your hubby were a stay at home Dad and you were earning the money - he's not allowed to be involved in money management? All sounds very odd to me.

In my opinion marriage is a partnership, and it is "our" money, not his/hers. I have been a stay at home Mum, and I have also been the breadwinner. We each clear large purchases with each other. If nothing else it's simply showing respect.

OP - how about your wife goes ahead and signs the contract on her kitchen renovation without consulting you, and you find out because the builders just show up one day - how does that make you feel??

Please don't put words in my mouth. I never said anything about anyone not being "allowed." I said it wouldn't be my place (or his if the roles were reversed), not that the subject couldn't be approached in a mature manner. Obviously, if there's frivolous spending going on while there's no food on the table or the bills aren't being paid, then yes, I have a right to speak up just as much as he would have a right to speak up if the roles were reversed.

Your opinion is that marriage is a partnership is valid - I believe much the same way.

But just as I would not appreciate my husband taking my hard earned money and blowing it on ATVs or video games while being a SAHD, I also wouldn't appreciate being questioned on what I do with that money if all the bills were paid, food was on the table, and we were ok savings-wise.

Of course, contribute to the partnership first, but after that, what you do with your earned money is your own business, no one else's.

If I were a stay at home wife, then yes, I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable using my husband's money to splurge on something. I didn't earn that money; I didn't go to work and clock the hours for it. Maybe some could say taking care of the home is work (and I agree it is work), but even still, to me it's not the same.

My parents are in a very similar situation. My dad works, my mom doesn't. He doesn't care if she works, though he prefers she doesn't because he likes to be catered to (it's complicated; old school values). He also doesn't care WHAT she buys with the money he makes because he says the same thing as you: she's working in the house, therefore it's shared money. She doesn't feel comfortable buying anything for herself with "his" money. She would rather have her "own" money to get a pedicure or buy new cookie sheets or go out to dinner while he's slugging away a 12 hour night shift at a mine he hates.

I knew a kid growing up whose mom was a STAHM and whose father worked with mine at the mine; pulling 12 hour shifts as a welder - not a nice job. His wife? Took every penny he earned and gambled it away or bought stuff off the shopping channel. Small increments; $20 here and there, maybe $100 on the weekend, etc. You think that's ok? It's shared money after all right? He went to work for 12 hours, in a craphole, and it's ok for her to do that with the money because it's shared? Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead doing that with my husband's money (assuming I were married) simply because: I didn't earn it to be blowing it like that.

I really don't think we should be dissecting the OP's marital financial agreements, nor making judgments on what's rude and what isn't. Politeness is sometimes very subjective and what you may find rude is not considered rude by someone else.