Hands on Dads

[candidrachel]

I know this it a random question but it got me thinking. It's my daughters 9th Birthday today and I organised a birthday party at home this year. Luckily the house didn't get trashed with a mixture of both boys and girls running amok. When I told my husband of my plans he said "I'll make myself scarce then and let you get on with it" WTH??? Not like a helping hand and enjoying his daughers birthday celebrations. I phoned him at 6pm frazzled asking him where he is and he hadn't left work yet.

He got home at 7pm to see the last of the little party goers leaving with their little party bag, balloons and other paraphanalia a modern day kid has when leaving a party. In my day it was a balloon and piece of birthday cake only!

I can't change the man I married but he is so hands off! Whereas my sisters partner is so hands on. It's him who coralls all the kids together to play pin the tail on the donkey or a scavenger hunt leaving mum to sort the food out. Its just that extra pair of hands.

I have to congratulate myself for a job well done today for cleaning the house from top to bottom (its a real fear that other parents will judge my housekeeping skills ), I bought all the party bag stuff, prepared all the food and organised all the entertainment and games myself!

It was a good do. The kids loved it and we have now got one little girl staying overnight tonight for a sleep over - and on a school night too! Ha! I must be crazee!

The question I am posing is do you dads let your other halves "just get on with it" or do you share the job?

[Bruce A]

Well, you did say he was at work Rachel. In a sense that is sharing the responsibilities isn't it? If he was home all day and didn't help out I could understand your gripe.

[NathanFranke]

This is going to be more dangerous than an OWS thread with an un-banned Izzy.

*backs out slowly, then runs*

[candidrachel]

Its not the fact he was working. He could have taken the day off

Whats OWS thread? LOL Izzy!

[Bruce A]

I'm sure it was very important why he had to work instead of being around to help with party.

[Hill Country Hack]

I'm sure your sister is ok with the partner doing activies while she prepares (read hides in kitchen).

Most women complain the hubands are not hands on enough, but when we try all we hear is "THAT'S not the way to do it! Move! I'll just take care of it myself!" So, we make ourselves scarce until the festivities are complete. We creep back to give a hand on clean up and what do we hear? "Oh! Now you want to help after all the work is done."

Can't win for losing.

Yup. I just stirred the pot and am now getting to a safe distance with my popcorn and soda to enjoy the upcoming show

P.S.- I'm sure you did a bang up job Rachel

[Ambrosia76]

My hubby is like this, I believe this is the way he was raised his mother did everything, his dad worked and kept the lazy boy warm. At first it didn't really bother me cause frankly, both my parent were kind of hands off, my dad was always gone and my mom just didn't care. After 18 yrs it is starting to grate on my nerves though. Hubby says if you wanted my help you should have asked for it and I say I shouldn't have to ask you to be a responsible adult in this relationship.

Who knows who is right. Did you ever think of saying " I would rather have you here to help me out"

[NicoleScraps]

Hmm, interesting question. My hubby is very hands off when it comes to day to day type things, getting them off to school, cooking meals, cleaning the home, etc. But when it comes to big things, like birthday parties, he gets involved. He also tries to do a lot of other things with the kids like taking them fishing, swimming and things like that.....while I stay at home alone
We have negotiated our life to be this way though. I take care of the kids and the home. He makes all of the money. I enable him to be able to work whenever it is needed and he enables me to be available for the children.

[graciousness]

Husbands can and will be frustrating. If you really think about it, it is true that we criticise them if they aren't there for us to help us around the house and children and when they are, we criticise them for not doing the job properly. They really can't win in this case.

However, you have mentioned previously that your husband does support you emotionally when you really need him. This is the same for my husband. We do have to keep this in mind because at the end of the day, this is very, very important. If they don't or are oblivious to our emotions, then this becomes a real big issue. We just have to accept the fact that they just can't be perfect and be there for us 100%, the same as we aren't there for them 100%.

If the party was during work week, I guess I have to agree with some of the others that he does have the responsibility to be at work. However, in saying that, I would have reacted once I realise that the bum hadn't left work to at least help with some of the work. He should, at least, show to you and his daughter his support in giving her a nice birthday that only happens once a year.

Ahh husbands. They're all faulty, you know

[Ambrosia76]

I have to add that my hubby has never missed one of the kids birthday parties, he just isn't particularly helpful even though he is there.