Hands on Dads

[brianxlt]

As a husband and father I can relate to him. I don't handle a bunch of screaming kids running around very well and for me Birthdays and holidays are just another day. If it were up to me I would put up my wife's holiday decorations the day before and take them down the day after. Yes my wife's decorations I wouldn't buy any for myself.
On another note it was his daughters 9th birthday and one day he will wish he had been there just to see her smile. I missed a lot of those times with my children as they were growing up, but you can never go back. Guys a wired different then woman (some more than others) if you accept him as he is ("can't change the man I married") ask him for help in cases like this and explain why you need his help.

If that doesn't work ??

[Hill Country Hack]

Now for my real answer.

When my children were little I was in the service so there were times I could not be there to help for parties and such. We did have an agreement on who was responsible for what around the house and stuck to it pretty well. We did agree we were not mind readers and had to communicate each other's needs. I begged and borrowed at a detriment to my military career to be there for all the important things in my children's lives.

There were things my wife would want help with and not say a peep if I didn't do it her way and vice versa. We knew each other's boundries and abided by them.

I do agree med are in general wired differently than women. Home environment growing up has a large effect on who we are now and that cannot be changed unless we choose to change.

Communicate more, express your desires and then be flexible to allow him to do it his way.

[Bruce A]

Originally Posted by graciousness

Husbands can and will be frustrating. If you really think about it, it is true that we criticise them if they aren't there for us to help us around the house and children and when they are, we criticise them for not doing the job properly. They really can't win in this case.

However, you have mentioned previously that your husband does support you emotionally when you really need him. This is the same for my husband. We do have to keep this in mind because at the end of the day, this is very, very important. If they don't or are oblivious to our emotions, then this becomes a real big issue. We just have to accept the fact that they just can't be perfect and be there for us 100%, the same as we aren't there for them 100%.

If the party was during work week, I guess I have to agree with some of the others that he does have the responsibility to be at work. However, in saying that, I would have reacted once I realise that the bum hadn't left work to at least help with some of the work. He should, at least, show to you and his daughter his support in giving her a nice birthday that only happens once a year.

Ahh husbands. They're all faulty, you know

I can go along with all you said Grace - except the last line. My wife once said to me, "You're not the only perfect one you know!"

Well, I was flabbergasted! That meant there was at least one other perfect man somewhere.

[graciousness]

Originally Posted by Bruce A

I can go along with all you said Grace - except the last line. My wife once said to me, "You're not the only perfect one you know!"

Well, I was flabbergasted! That meant there was at least one other perfect man somewhere.

Well, you must be perfect because you haven't been returned for a refund or exchanged yet!

I wanted an exchange for my husband but was told the warranty expired after 3 days of marrying the bastard. Oh well, I can always use another slave.

[Bruce A]

Originally Posted by graciousness

Well, you must be perfect because you haven't been returned for a refund or exchanged yet!

I'm sure there's been many times she's considered it Grace

[Peach]

I'm just going to sit on the couch and eat popcorn with the guys on this one.

My dad was never really "hands on." He couldn't (and can't) stand kids running around screaming and playing. Children were seen and not heard, as far as he was/is concerned. Our birthdary parties were low key affairs and the only "party" I remember having was, incidentally, my 9th, which involved a crapton of people from school coming over for cake and hot dogs and playing with the "Slip'n Slide" (my b-day is in July; summer fun!). My dad, I think, was at work that day (he works in a mine). Other birthdays were just family, or my mom driving my best friend and I into the city to play at "Ruckers"; an arcade.

It never struck me as odd and I never felt like I missed out on something. It's just the way it was.

I do think that half the time though male partners can be the most infuriating in a relationship. But you just have to remember, men and women are wired SO COMPLETELY differently, it's not their fault that somethings are more important or less important than they are to you. Some guys are different, others are "typical men" (I usually like the "typical men" type). My only suggestion would be that next time, maybe communicate to your hubby ahead of time that having his help at home would really, really be appreciated and that you're sure his daughter would love to have her daddy there. If that doesn't work, a chastity belt will

My dad always says "My hunting license expires, my fishing license expires, my driver's license expires - but my damn wedding license doesn't!" and I respond with "yes it does; just like you said in your vows 'til DEATH do us part'!" Gets him every time.