Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

[candidrachel]

I've been to see my doc recently and have agreed to go down the CBT route. I've really got to speak to a professional that can help me sort my head out as to why I feel such a failure in life or whether I psychologically self sabotage all by best efforts.

I can honestly say hand on heart the 2 things I have succeeded in is a) staying married and b) passing my driving test. Passing the driving test first time round is by far the best achievement I have ever done My working history to date is absolutely shocking. I've been fired so many times for being useless

I suppose the crux is that I have never been given the right sort of help or opportunity. Some people seem to go through life with doors opening up for them left right and centre and come out smelling of roses but I seem to find doors shutting in my face and left feeling so frustrated and disappointed and just about ready to do the unthinkable

There is a new service in our area called italk it's a free therapy (I never say no to free anything!) So I thought what the heck. I've got my first telephone session on Tuesday.

Anyone else had experience with CBT? Does it help or is it just a load of hocus pocus? I've got a whole bookcase full of self-help books but none seem to help!

[SwissJon]

I trained in CBT when I was in my 20's.. I was intending to become a psychologist, but ended up as a very unhappy Social Worker instead.. My wife is currently about to start that training in it as a part of her art therapy course.

No, it's not hocus pocus. It has the ability to bring about some really positive results, but you need to not think about it as something that's "done to me" and think about is as somthing "I'm learning to do" for it to be really effective. You're an active participant, and really theone who effects the changes, your therapise is there teaching you to use the tools at your disposal..

I very much doubt you have had quite as few achievements as you point out, a lot of that point of view will be down to the way you are feeling at the moment.. I'll leave the therapist to talk to you about that.

The reason why some people get doors slammed in their faces and others seem to have an easy ride is simply the way they look at life.. If you are always complaining and looking on the bleak side of life, people will only tend to see your negative qualities. If you're a happy person, then people tend to want you around, and you find you get more doors opened for you.. You're doing the right thing looking for some professional help, because if you can get yourself out of this rut, then you're going to find things you like about yourself.. The more you find to like about yourself, the easier you will find life.. Giving up isn't an answer, there may be a big hill to climb, but you can do it.. And when you need to air your frustrations, come on here.. We'll listen.

As far as the CBT goes, so long as you take an active part, and are patient with yourself, you should see some positive results. Good luck.

[RLucas]

Originally Posted by SwissJon

I trained in CBT when I was in my 20's.. I was intending to become a psychologist, but ended up as a very unhappy Social Worker instead.. My wife is currently about to start that training in it as a part of her art therapy course.

No, it's not hocus pocus. It has the ability to bring about some really positive results, but you need to not think about it as something that's "done to me" and think about is as somthing "I'm learning to do" for it to be really effective. You're an active participant, and really theone who effects the changes, your therapise is there teaching you to use the tools at your disposal..

I very much doubt you have had quite as few achievements as you point out, a lot of that point of view will be down to the way you are feeling at the moment.. I'll leave the therapist to talk to you about that.

The reason why some people get doors slammed in their faces and others seem to have an easy ride is simply the way they look at life.. If you are always complaining and looking on the bleak side of life, people will only tend to see your negative qualities. If you're a happy person, then people tend to want you around, and you find you get more doors opened for you.. You're doing the right thing looking for some professional help, because if you can get yourself out of this rut, then you're going to find things you like about yourself.. The more you find to like about yourself, the easier you will find life.. Giving up isn't an answer, there may be a big hill to climb, but you can do it.. And when you need to air your frustrations, come on here.. We'll listen.

As far as the CBT goes, so long as you take an active part, and are patient with yourself, you should see some positive results. Good luck.

+1 to this. I've never been through CBT myself, but someone very close to me has. They were at a point in their life where they couldn't even leave the house because of some really bad OCD issues, as well as some other things. It made a huge difference, and they are functioning quite well now, and actually seem very happy!

Jon, I completely agree that it has mostly to do with your own outlook as to how people respond. This is something that I have been actively working on for a while now. I never knew just how much I dwelled on the negative. It surprised even me. Changing the way I react to certain situations has made a vast improvement to my personal quality of life. It's not perfect, but I don't feel like a complete failure anymore either.

Rachel, it's hard to tell on a forum, but you seem to be a pretty upbeat person to me. I'm sorry to see that you are going through something like this. I hope the therapy will help! Like Jon says, you are worth way more than what you give yourself credit for.

[candidrachel]

What I don't get is that normally I am a natural optimist and look on the sunny side of life and my locus of control is internal rather than external and I have my reticular activating system switch on to positives and still I get all the crap! Why is that??? and why don't things work out the way I want them to??

I don't moan and groan constantly. I'm misunderstood. Underneath my blonde hair is a very intellligent person who has never reached her full potential but people see me as stupid. I have collected lots of "evidence" in my life to support this idea.

[Biomech]

Anyone else had experience with CBT?*

In the opposite, I complain and pick holes in everything achieved quite a bit but consider it all worthless etc. I studying NLP at the moment out of interest, but I'm on the waiting list for "Hi Intensity CBT". Got a call from the dr the other day, only 3 people on front of me now I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm a massive control freak and really over think, thats my big problem. As you seem to be the exact opposite, maybe thats the root of yours? Lol :P

[SwissJon]

Originally Posted by candidrachel

What I don't get is that normally I am a natural optimist and look on the sunny side of life and my locus of control is internal rather than external and I have my reticular activating system switch on to positives and still I get all the crap! Why is that??? and why don't things work out the way I want them to??

I don't moan and groan constantly. I'm misunderstood. Underneath my blonde hair is a very intellligent person who has never reached her full potential but people see me as stupid. I have collected lots of "evidence" in my life to support this idea.

Rachel, there are so many things I want to say to you, but since you're already going to therapy, it's not really appropriate.. I think you need to be patient and also willing to examine the possibility that the way you're thinking, rather than the things in your life, are causing you to feel this way. Changing the way you think will help you change. Don't be so keen to "prove" what is wrong in your life, if your therapist is any good, they don't need evidence, the just need someone who is willing to work towards change.. It's your life, nobody can tell you that you're right or wrong, just that if you want this to change, then it's you that needs to change first, because from what you have said, unless you do, nothing will work.

[Biomech]

It will be things in your life as well. There's a ... model... referred to as a vicious circle, and the goal is to break it.

Essentially it comprises of Thoughts, Behaviours and Symptoms.

For example, You think about negative things self image, worry etc, so you don't partake in activities which lead to you feeling unwanted/unhealthy, which makes you think about such things... etc etc round and round. You always feel down so you don't go out with friends, they stop asking, you think it's because they don't like you, you turn down other social offers; repeat.

Panic attacks are a classic. You freak out that you can't breathe, your pulse races, you sweat, you gasp for air - your body is prepping for fight/flight, consequently the blood goes from your extremities, you feel tingly, cold, light headed, your hearts pounding and needs more oxygen, so you breathe faster, but faster isn't fast enough so you believe that you're struggling to breathe (hyperventallating) and it all just goes around in a loop. Eventually your body can't physically keep that up so you start to come down.

[cyber3d]

My suggestion is that you continue CBT. But, you should consider other modalities as well. You can always do them simultaneously. Consider the possibility that your symptoms are a result of developmental issues. You might want to explorer a therapist with trauma training like an Somatic Experiencing practitioner. Psychodynamic and Somatic Psychology are other possibilities. The main point I'd like you to know is that everyone will find their best therapeutic match based on their own personality, knowledge, experience. AND as you go though therapy you will change (for the better and with more knowledge and sensitivity) and you will want to continue with perhaps a different and possibly deeper therapeutic modality.

candidrachel, send me a private message via DPS if you have questions or want to chat.

[dawnwithacamera]

Some people seem to go through life with doors opening up for them left right and centre and come out smelling of roses but I seem to find doors shutting in my face and left feeling so frustrated and disappointed and just about ready to do the unthinkable

Hi Rachel, I can identify with what you are going thru. I am feeling completely useless, actually for most of my life I have felt invisible, or second best. I am stuck in a very unfilling job, waiting until I graduate, at age 50 from college with an accounting degree, not sure of finding an accounting position after graduation due to our financial problems after hubby and I both lost our jobs 2 years ago, who wants to hire an accountant that has had money problems??? My husband on the other hand, can apply for a job on a whim and get an offer...I can send out 50 resumes and all I get is "thanks but no thanks" replys. My self esteem is shot. Like you, my one achievement has been staying married for 27 years, and the fact that my 2 children seem to be alright, tho' my daughter feels she has a feel issues to deal with. I have tried to get the Positive Mental Attitude, but after being knocked down some many times, it begins to feel pointless. Let us know how therapy is working for you.

Dawn

[JFSanders]

Rachel, I am not a Dr. nor do I play one on the internet. So go to the therapy and do what is necessary to make a positive impact on your life.

With that said, I have found that in MY life it has more to do with what is inside me than what is outside. Meaning that it boils down to how much you are willing to commit, sacrifice and fight for success in your life. The definition of success is very different for each person. I started as a young man determined to be a successful engineer and made the sacrifices and commitments necessary to obtain that goal. Then found out in practice that I hated it. I then went looking for what I thought would make me happy and did many different occupations. Learning from each what it was that made me happy and what didn't. I then channeled my energy into finding the type of work that made me happy and found out that it didn't pay very well at the start. Didn't matter to me at that point, because I had found out that happiness is truly an internal decision. Only you can make you happy. And you have to do what it is that will result in your happiness (within the law of course) there is no other way. Oh and even though the starting pay was pretty dismal I found that as my skills increased my income increased with them and today I make a fair wage for work that I thoroughly enjoy.

Confidence come with success. Start with small successes and build upon them. There is no try, only do or do not.

GOD Bless you and many wishes for your success.

Jim