~Feeling Hopeless~

[Ambrosia76]

You can completely ignore this thread if you like, I just need to vent and here seems safe as no one I really know can see it.

I think I may be having a nervous breakdown, mid life crisis, depressed what ever you like to call it. Things just seem to be spiraling out of control all at once.

I love my husband I really do,we have been together 18 yrs, but lately it seems as if there are more days that I would like to bash his face in than kiss it.

My 2 youngest kids are about to drive me insane, neither seems to want to get their schooling and move on and do something with their life.

I am 35 years old and my kids are almost grown, yes I knew my husband had 2 girls when I married him and yes I was part of the decision to not have any more after our son was born, but now all my friends are just now having kids and they all seem to be little girls that look just like them,and it makes me a little jealous. I am 35 and about to get my second grandchild. It is a little depressing.

I have been in the same career since I was 20, and thanks to my body falling apart I am having a very hard time making a go it now. Add to that we just got a new boss who is a total douche bag and one of my co-workers seems to have a grudge against me.

Not sure how much more I can take at this point.

[scootermcq]

Wow.... you sure sound down. I don't know if telling you it is natural and normal to hit that middle aged mark and feel this way helps or not. I know I have had the middle aged blues pretty bad, but starting to come around slowly (43 now). My wife has struggled as well. If you find you are struggling too much, please visit your family Dr. there are all sorts of things they can do to help. I know quite a few people that have needed to have their chemicals kick started with Wellbutrin or Prozac etc. This in no way means you are "crazy" or weak, just hittin the point where your body chemistry may be letting you down. No different then people hitting middle age & needing high blood pressure meds.

Hang in there kiddo..... and think about it this way.... when I am a grand father I will be older and have more wrinkles.... you can be the cool hot Grandmother

[SwissJon]

I'm just going to put this as I see it..

I'm 43, and don't have any children although I'd very much like to have them. I live in the house and sleep in the same bedroom that my wife made her son with her ex. We've been together for 8 years, we have been through IVF, but the sad fact is that because I had radiotherapy because I had cancer when I was 18, now I'm not fertile enough to create children without that kind of intervention and my wife is 46, so it's too dangerous for her to have children, so we have had to give up. I could have ended my relationship with her, and try to start again, but I have chosen to carry on.

I'm not saying this to say to you "it's not so bad" or whatever, just that in a funny sort of a way, I know how you feel. I would suggest that you go and find someone to talk to on a professional basis. I'm not talking about counselling, I'm talking about a psychologist of some sort. A consellor will give you the chance to talk, but won't encourage change. A psych will listen, and help you think about what you're saying in a different way to how you currently are.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time of it. The reality is, if you're having a midlife crisis it's fairly normal. Men tend to buy motorbikes (me!) or have affairs (Not me!) I'm not sure how women handle them, but I can highly recommend motorbikes!

[mosgood]

Hi Ambrosia, sounds like stress to me! It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. Is your hubby supportive? If you have not spoken with him, you might want to find some quiet time to just talk about what's bothering you. He won't be objective (husbands are rarely ever objective...just their nature), but he should be a good sounding board. Or if you aren't comfortable talking with your hubby, maybe there's a counselor who can help your situation? Sometimes you just need to get a different perspective, if you're dealing with too many things at once. Sucks too to want more kids. Have you thought about adopting or fostering, if you can't have more?

When I was 35, I had a 6 year old & a 4 year old. To be 35 again & know what I know now! But as they say, hindsight is 20/20. They're grown up now...oldest is 20, youngest is 18. Hard to believe that the little babies I once had are adults now.

[RLucas]

I can almost completely relate. I don't really talk about my stuff much, but when I hit 35, the spiral started. I was a very active person to the point where I was an exercise junkie. One day i woke up, and just didn't want to do it anymore. I am now pretty much a couch potato. Gained 50lbs in less than 3years, have had no energy. low self worth and almost to the point of being a recluse. It turns out, I had low T. I have been doing testosterone replacement for the past few months, and I am starting to see a difference. I also went from no kids to having two teenagers dropped in my lap. I wouldn't take anything for them, but it has been EXTREMELY stressful. We have also been living on one income for the past couple of years. All my savings were depleted, and we are just barely hanging on. It's starting to get better though. I feel like we can kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just keep repeating the "this too shall pass" mantra over and over, and it seems to help.
Hang in there Ambrosia. Hopefully, you will be able to catch a break at some point!
Just remember that you're not alone.

[Doug Pardee]

It sounds trite, but you really should consider seeing a professional. Trying to deal with these things by yourself, or with the help of a well-meaning friend or two, isn't anywhere nearly as effective as working with someone who knows this stuff.

A psychiatrist can also prescribe medications. Now, different people have different feelings about psycho-active pharmaceuticals. Personally, I believe that they can help in some situations, and should be used in those situations, and not in others. Kind of like antibiotics. But as with infections where you can't tell if it's bacterial or viral, you probably can't tell if your problems are chemical, situational, internal, or a combination thereof. You need a pro.

If you're of the "no medications if I can help it" persuasion, then most any professional counselor will do. If they decide that medication would be worthwhile, they can refer you.

As a start, many employers provide an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) to their employees and their families. These programs usually include a limited number (maybe five or so) of free calls/visits with professional counselors. That should be enough to at least give you an idea of what's up.

Been there, done that, yes I have — and I wouldn't want to face it on my own. Please at least see if you've got some EAP benefits, and spend a few sessions with a counselor.

[NgaiHill]

I feel for you, it seems like all the bad stuff comes at once but it will pass eventually. Its good to talk to someone, even if its just us here - you know we'll listen!
When I hit my late 30s a few years ago I set myself some goals - to run a 27 km mountain race, go on an army deployment & get a tattoo. Tattoo was easy as my brother is a tattoo artist, he's at the other end of the country though so I had to wait a bit. The other two goals took a lot of hard work - after two kids I'm no longer the fit young thing I was in my 20s. But I did do both and it made a big difference to how I felt about myself & my life. Now hubby is in his fifth year of working overseas, I'm stuck at home raising the kids by myself & gaining more weight.
by the day. Time for some new goals - going to do a university course next year and going to find some walking/running event I can train for.
Sorry, a little off track for you maybe but my advice is talk to someone about how you are feeling, even if its just to vent. And try to change the things you can but don't stress so much on the things you can't.

[Jo.T]

Time to be a little selfish, as a mum and wife we spend all i time having to do for others, now that your kids are growning up let them fend for them selves for a bit and take some time out just for you. Your camera can be the best medicine you can get, dont rush home to do the mum thing, go chase that sunset that you always seem to miss, take your hubby for a sunday drive go down all those dirt roads that you have driven past a million times before and wondered where they go, plan a weekend get away just the two of you. Yes you may come home to a dissaster zone but with kids you get that if your gone for 2 hrs or a week, just take a deap breath and think i had a good day and cant wait to look at my photos. Life changes, we change, your only 35 think of the posatives it is hard when all you want to do is crawl into a hole and stay there, it's easy to sit at home and do the wooooooo is me, it take effort to get up and live. A dear friend was always there to give me my gentle butt kicking(some times not so gentle) when ever got i low so here is yours.
Repeat after me " IT IS MY TIME TO SHINE" now GET OUT THERE AND DO IT.
followed by a big hug

Hope this helps
Jo

[Ambrosia76]

Thanks guys. I have always been the one taking care of everyone and everything even before I met my hubby. Let's just say my family was beyond dysfunctional. I think that is the biggest thing is now the load I carry is beginning to get too heavy and I have no one to help me cause they are all use to me being the one to help them.

[Biomech]

It is bad, it won't be ok - not anytime soon anyway. And you need to see someone I hit 30 this year - oh nos! - no really I hate the fact. Anyway, I went to see the doctor for various issues aside from the age, now I'm on Propranolol, Citalopram and Diazapam and awaitin "high intensity cognitive behavioral therapy" I also wake up in the night and see varying numbers of people in my bedroom Let's just hope no potential clients stumble across this thread lol.

But seriously, the pills help, it'd be worth getting the once over from the doctor

Oh SwissJon, the bed thing, that'd be a killer (sad smiley here, apparently I've used too many smileys already though *tongue out smiley here*)