Baby photos....

[gturner]

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
*

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that".

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted

[pix_e_l8]

Ha!! Cute!

[candidrachel]

Ha! I like jokes

You know I have red haired children and its a bit of a mystery where the red comes from but my husband blames me for telling the joke about the red headed baby while preggers and its come back to haunt us lol!

Here is the joke (and its not even funny!)

A mother gave birth under general aneasthetic and when she woke up the surgeon said "Well the baby is born but I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first. She she thought for a moment and said "Give me the bad news first" so he said "Well the baby has red hair" and she thought oh my gosh red hair that's terrible, the child will be bullied at school and ostrasised for ever and ever then she said "So what's the good news?" To which the surgeon replied "Its dead!"

Here is another one:

It was the end of March and a little disabled boy said to his mum "Mummy why can't I walk like all the other boys and girls?" so his mother said "well when you go to bed tonight pray to God that he can help you walk as he always answers your prayers" so at bed time the little boy knelt by his bed and said "Dear God please let me be able to walk when I wake up in the morning". So the next day he woke but he was just the same as the day before so he went to find his mother to find out what happened to which she replied "Ha! April Fools!"

[Poider]

See now if the photographer was a loyal Nikon user the confusion would have been avoided LOL
Peter

[skyline1241]

Originally Posted by candidrachel

Ha! I like jokes

You know I have red haired children and its a bit of a mystery where the red comes from but my husband blames me for telling the joke about the red headed baby while preggers and its come back to haunt us lol!

Here is the joke (and its not even funny!)

A mother gave birth under general aneasthetic and when she woke up the surgeon said "Well the baby is born but I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first. She she thought for a moment and said "Give me the bad news first" so he said "Well the baby has red hair" and she thought oh my gosh red hair that's terrible, the child will be bullied at school and ostrasised for ever and ever then she said "So what's the good news?" To which the surgeon replied "Its dead!"

Here is another one:

It was the end of March and a little disabled boy said to his mum "Mummy why can't I walk like all the other boys and girls?" so his mother said "well when you go to bed tonight pray to God that he can help you walk as he always answers your prayers" so at bed time the little boy knelt by his bed and said "Dear God please let me be able to walk when I wake up in the morning". So the next day he woke but he was just the same as the day before so he went to find his mother to find out what happened to which she replied "Ha! April Fools!"

Thank you so much for your post.

[Poider]

What about the guy who gets a phone call from the emergency department, his pregnant wife is in labor so he'd better hurry.
He gets to the hospital only to be told that his wife died during the birth and all that they could save was the baby's head, he is devastated but seeing as the baby's head is alive he takes it home.
The guy cares for the head for 18 years and takes it down to the local bar to celebrate it's 18th birthday.
'Give my son a beer', he tells the barman.
The father holds the beer and the son drinks it, as soon as he finishes out pops a torso.
'Quick', he says excitedly, "Give him another beer", and sure enough out pops a couple of arms.
The son gets excited now and asks for another beer and again out pops a couple of legs.
The son gets up flexes his new legs, does a lap of the bar and excitedly runs outside to celebrate in the street.
Suddenly "bang" he runs to the road and is hit by a truck.
The father is devastated and looks to the barman.
The barman looks at the distraught father and says:
"You know, He really should have quit while he was ahead"!