Parental advice needed

[Henry Wilt]

Hi Guys,

I know this isn't photography related but I'm wondering if I can get your opinions on the safety of letting my 2 eldest girls use facebook, msn messenger etc.. They're 10 and 11 years old and whilst they are reasonably mature for their age I would consider them quite naive compared to western kids. In Thailand kids tend to be kids a lot longer and I don't want to change that and make them grow up too young (if that makes sense) but I do worry about the things I hear about on the net.
I have spoken to them about only ever contacting or replying to their friends but you here about people that are clever enough to convince the kids not to tell their parents.
One of the problems is they say all their friends are using it so I feel like I'd be being mean if I say no.

I guess what I want to know is do you think they are too young?
Your opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

PS. Although I do have a facebook account I rarely log on or check it, I've never really got into the whole social side of the net apart from this forum. Could I check their activity from my account?

[WVCoalMiner]

My daughter has grown up with myspace and now facebook and is doing just fine she is using it to make contacts for her upcoming visits to college.

[Nicole]

Why not allow it but stipulate that you have to be able to login to their account and have the details for it? Now, that's not to say that you should monitor it forever, but at least for a while. After a while the habits should start to take and then at an appropriate time you can re-examine the need to have a shared login.

Now, that said, I don't have kids, so it's a bit theoretical, but if you're supposed to have parental consent / permission up until age 13, I'd say that I would want to have access until the kids hit 13. Is it realistic? Maybe not, but if you set out the ground rules from the beginning and you both show a bit of trust, then it will likely be fine.

[AnonymousKiwi1]

My eldest two, 12 and almost 14 both have facebook accounts. They know the rules, only 'friend' people they know in real life. They are friends with school mates, and members of our family who live around the country. Also, the computers they access facebook from are in the family living rooms, so they always know there is someone over their shoulder. I think the idea of having a shared log in, so they know you can check on what they are doing is a good idea.

[Henry Wilt]

Thanks for the replies.
I like the idea of the shared log in and that shouldn't cause too many problems.

Do you allow them to post photo's? Or put their details in their profile?

[tuxcomputers]

My kids are 11 and 14, the computers have always been in a common area, while they live at home they will never have a computer or TV in their room.

I am also quite computer savy and I own a domain. I have the domain setup so that there is one mailbox that is the catchall account. If the recipient does not match an account it falls through into the catchall account.

When we register them on web sites I always use an e-mail address that does not exist, any confirmation or recover password messages will fall into the catchall account. If I suspect they are not doing the right thing then I can request a password reset on the account, it will be me that sets the new password, it has only happened once.

I also have set my ADSL modem to use OpenDNS, I can block any category or domain I want to.

Technology is NO substitute for parental supervision, kids can just Google and get around any software solution you put on the PC.

[candidrachel]

My kids are 7 and 11 and although they don't use facebook they use Disney's Club Penguin and we have always insisted they they never devulge their real names, address, or any personal details and its been great apart from once my heckles stood on end when "someone" asked my daughter "are you a boy or a girl" and "I want to be MORE than just friends??" WTH?? I got my husband to deal with it and my 11 year old son knew what to do and reported this user to the mods, deleted the user off my daughters buddy list (she went beserk btw because she didn't understand the ramifications) and so far we haven't had any more incidents.

I don't think its a bad thing for kids to be like their peers and met friends on-line as long as the computer is in a communal area and they have firm ground rules.

[Photologyst]

Good suggestions all in particular not accepting “friends” whom the children do not know personally.

Be sure to monitor those accounts. There are big issues these days with bullying as well as predators.

Your children are on the cusp and will be wanting much more independence quite soon. It will be a fine line between gradual independence and being safe. Some kids get really hooked on SN sites. It would be good insurance if they had lots of other activities in the real world.

[NicoleScraps]

My opinion-as long as you set rules that you are comfortable with, enforce those rules consistently, and constantly monitor their accounts, then they should be fine. I wouldn't stop monitoring their accounts though, well, ever, until they move out. Maybe not as often when they get older, but with teens especially, they need to know that they have rules to follow as well. In my opinion, it is more important to monitor a teen (younger teen 13-15) than it is when they are your kids age. I have found that when they hit 13ish, they suddenly know everything, their parents are stupid, and they feel that they can do whatever they want. Probably not all kids are like mine though.

[Jonbar18]

was 12 when i first got my facebook account. I'ts a great tool for staying in touch with you friends, especially at that age. However, I agree with the shared account idea, just to be safe. And make sure you enforce safety: only add people you personally know, and don't share personal information.

Originally Posted by Henry Wilt

Thanks for the replies.
I like the idea of the shared log in and that shouldn't cause too many problems.

Do you allow them to post photo's? Or put their details in their profile?

Some parents think you shouldn't post photos. I don't see a problem. My account is set so only my friends can see my photos, so i am controlling who see it. Details are something else. I would be really careful there because the way the new facebook settings work are that somethings you HAVE to st as 'everyone' and that happens to be the profile info. So just don't put it. All i have in mine is: 'male, (fake birthday), GTA, ON, and my old e-mail that is hidden except to friends'