I am never making this mistake again

[Nekrose]

So...this is sort of a rant And a lesson learned.

A few months ago I was contacted by a make up artist, and we started working together. In this process, we became really good friends.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago.

My assistant was not available for two sessions that I had coming up. Normally I would just have my husband help out on the session, but he is in the Navy and was sent off.

This is the first time that we have been apart since married, and it has been very difficult. I am trying to manage 6 classes, retain my Magna Cum Laude status, intern, take care of the household, and run my business.

So I asked my best friend/ make up artist/ newborn photographer to assist me on both of the sessions. She was doing the make up for one and getting paid by the client, so I didn't see a problem there. I only needed her to hold reflectors for the other session.

In exchange for her help on the one session, she wanted a free boudoir session from me. At first, I didn't mind. But after she told me all she wanted included, I had second thoughts.
And then...

I got an email saying that she didn't feel comfortable assisting, because she did photos of my husband and I for free and she was going to be assisting for the other shoot. She didn't feel that things were equal between us, because she had done so much for us.

Forget the free family photos I did for her. The $450 worth of merchandise given to her from my sister's business. The countless I spent teaching her how to use her camera. The six hours spent babysitting her kids when it was only supposed to be for two, and I had a date planned wit my husband (who was leaving in a few weeks).

How things were unequal in my favor did not make much sense to me.

She was expecting me to do another free shoot for her in exchange for what would be, in total, 10 minutes of reflector holding.

Lesson learned:
Do not do anything for free. I had spent hours teaching her about equipment, taking her shooting with me and teaching her, and even showing her how to edit.

And she has the same clientèle base as me.

In return, I did not receive help on the shoot she told me she would help with. Instead, I was left with no more light because it took 45 minutes for her to do the make up.

I did not ask her to help for business purposes. I asked for help as a friend who just had her husband leave and her assistant unavailable.

And I haven't spoken to her since.

I am sorry for the ranting, but this plain out sucks. I feel so used.

[candidrachel]

That does suck!! Those kind of scratching backs tit for tat deals between friends never seem to work out. Someone always comes off feeling slightly cheated.

I know over the months that I have been a member there have been others here who can sympathize with your plight.

On a practical level why don't you get one of those reflector stands so you won't have to rely on anyone letting you down. By all means use your assistant if that works out but for those times when he/she is not available.

Hope things work out for you.

[like-I-see-it]

With friends like that....etc.
My friend and I must be an exception - She's a professional hairdresser, with a passion for video taping, but totally clueless as to how to edit them.
So - she cuts my and my husbands' hair, and I edit her video tapes.We'll probably keep doing this until she stops videotaping, or until my hair stops growing..

[PnwGuy]

I feel for you and the situation you were put in.

My opinion is that if you two were "very good friends" you'd be able to communicate to each other openly and honestly, understand each other's point of view, then negotiate how to better work together and communicate and keep things fair for both in the future and move forward.

That's one thing I like about guys. We have a difference or a spat, later mumble awkward apologies (sometimes), then we just move on and put it in the past. I know that's a big generalization, but afterall I am a guy and we're known for generalizing. We try to keep it simple.

I hope that emotions and hard feelings can calm and common sense can surface. It sounds like you had a mutually beneficial relationship that went sideways because nobody spoke up about how they were feeling.

Please, follow up with us in a week and tell us that you two talked and all is good. Life's too short.

I don't think the lesson is "Don't do anything for free." The lesson is "Choose your friends wisely".

[Nekrose]

Originally Posted by PnwGuy

I feel for you and the situation you were put in.

My opinion is that if you two were "very good friends" you'd be able to communicate to each other openly and honestly, understand each other's point of view, then negotiate how to better work together and communicate and keep things fair for both in the future and move forward.

That's one thing I like about guys. We have a difference or a spat, later mumble awkward apologies (sometimes), then we just move on and put it in the past. I know that's a big generalization, but afterall I am a guy and we're known for generalizing. We try to keep it simple.

I hope that emotions and hard feelings can calm and common sense can surface. It sounds like you had a mutually beneficial relationship that went sideways because nobody spoke up about how they were feeling.

Please, follow up with us in a week and tell us that you two talked and all is good. Life's too short.

I know we really should talk about it, and I would love it if we could. But looking back on things, I don't think I want to continue the relationship. I lost a lot of time and money from it. I am not looking for a friendship where people are keeping score of who does what for whom.

[Nekrose]

Originally Posted by Photoboothguy

I don't think the lesson is "Don't do anything for free." The lesson is "Choose your friends wisely".

Honestly, things were going smoothly until she bought her camera and decided to start charging people for photos.

[gturner]

people are weird. A friend would help out regardless.

[Nekrose]

Originally Posted by candidrachel

That does suck!! Those kind of scratching backs tit for tat deals between friends never seem to work out. Someone always comes off feeling slightly cheated.

I know over the months that I have been a member there have been others here who can sympathize with your plight.

On a practical level why don't you get one of those reflector stands so you won't have to rely on anyone letting you down. By all means use your assistant if that works out but for those times when he/she is not available.

Hope things work out for you.

I have been looking around for a good stand. But it is easier ho have a person. I shoot on the beach a lot, and things always get knocked over.

I met with an old friend today, and she gave me some great advice. Mainly, move on and cut my losses.

In the end, I think it works out for the best. I would like to resolve things, but I don't ever want to feel taken advantage of again.

[candidrachel]

This is what you want. I want one too!

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