What’s Your Preference?

laurie millar · #1 (**permalink**) 09-29-2010, 02:20 PM

Ugh....how do I start this....My brother took his life on Monday and it has been hard week so far. (understatement of the year) His wife asked me if I would be in charge of taking pictures on the day of the funeral. I'm happy for this because it will keep me busy. This sounds silly but when do I take pictures? Obviously not during the funeral services...

If anyone can give me any info that would be great!

Also, any prayers would be great because I am really struggling with my older brother being gone.

Thank you "forum friends"! (that's what I call you (: )

Sime · #2 (**permalink**) 09-29-2010, 02:23 PM

Laurie,

I'm really sorry for your loss.

If I were in your position, I know I'd find it hard - but what I'd be trying to do, I think, would be capturing mostly candid images - moments - smiles of those thinking fondly of certain moments - the tears - the companionship.

I hope it works out OK.

Sime

WooD · #3 (**permalink**) 09-29-2010, 02:56 PM

Most sorry for your loss.

I honestly don't know of anyone who would want their picture taken at a funeral.

When my Grand Mother died a couple years ago, all the family, and close friends came to her house before, and after the services. I took a lot of pictures then, but none at the funeral, or grave site.

It's sad, but a death in the family seems to be the only way to get everyone together in the same place, at the same time.

Jim Bryant · #4 (**permalink**) 09-29-2010, 03:12 PM

Sorry for your loss and I'll most certainly include you in my prayers.
If your sister-in-law asked you to take pictures during the funeral, then do so. I believe that everyone there will understand. Throughout my years as a press photographer I've had to take pictures at way too many events such as that. Just use your camera as a shield to shield the emotions. It's not as a bad as you think. Good luck and God bless!

pix_e_l8 · #5 (**permalink**) 09-29-2010, 03:17 PM

Laurie,

What a difficult time, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I was asked to do this for a family's grandmother. The images that were strongest (and the moments I was most comfortable capturing) were of the pallbearers - her grandsons - carrying the casket both into the hearse and at the cemetary.

The minister in prayer over her gravesite.

Special, meaningful or representational floral arrangements on or around the casket for example.

I was also able to get a family photo at a meal break between viewings as they had not all been together in many years.

I took photos of the momentos the family had gathered and were showing at the wake as well.

Perhaps there will be a special musical guest which would make for a nice memory and a striking photo as well.

Maybe a photo of one of the passages read at the service.

I stayed away from getting photos of those gathered as I was not personally comfortable with it; I found it felt more of an intrusion. I think as long as you are respectful, whatever feels right for you will be fine, as you know your family.

As your 'forum friend' I would say to take a moment for your own farewell, it is difficult sometimes as photographers to partake fully in the experience when we are in the recording mode. Your sister-in-law will understand your taking a moment (or ten) for your own grief should you need to.

The pain of loss isn't something that goes away, but it does get easier to bear. I hope you and your family get to that place soon.

Take care

PnwGuy · #6 (**permalink**) 09-30-2010, 06:29 AM

First, I am very sorry for your loss.

I shot my dad's funeral 1 year and 11 months ago . Mom was worried about me taking pictures and didn't really want me to. I told her I'd be discreet and careful. My brother wanted me to shoot everything.

I limited my shots and didn't shoot during the wake or the service. I did not take any shots of the open casket. That just didn't feel right to me and I would not want to have a picture of my father in that state.

He had a military funeral so we drove from the wake to the veteran's cemetary. I fought the urge to speed ahead and get out to get shots of the processesion. Mom would not have liked that.

While everyone else was going in through the front door, I walked around to the side and got shots of the honor guard (sorry, not sure what to call them) as they carefully and ceremoniously unloaded him from the hearse and draped the flag neatly over his coffin. I shot the flowers and the mementos and got a group shot of everyone while we were waiting for the service to start.

I put my camera aside during the service but did get some shots as they lowered him into the ground afterwards. The shot of one of his friends dropping a flower in is probably my favorite.

Being in photographer mode helped me to stay emotionally strong for mom and my little brother who were both pretty devastated. During the service when the grief came on I started thinking about my next shots and settings etc. It helped.

Again, sorry for your loss. My father died of cancer so we had some time to prepare, but not much. At least we had that. I'm sorry that you didn't have any time. Capture the funeral in the way that you are comfortable with.

lputman · #7 (**permalink**) 09-30-2010, 01:16 PM

Laurie, you've been offered great advice for shooting so I'm just going to say that I am so sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my prayers.