Is this dodgy or am I over-reacting??

[candidrachel]

Just now my daughter who is 7 came in and asked "Mummy is it OK if I go for a walk up Lady's Walk with a man?" I was "WHAT MAN??" She said that he's nice and lives in the flats down the road. I marched down to his flat and approached him and said that "Its not OK for Chloe to go for a walk alone with you as I don't know you". To which he said that's fine as he was going for a walk anyway.

Anyway, Chloe was not happy with my decision and walked on in a huff saying that I'm ruining her life. I felt like saying the obvious that it could be worse iykwim.

Now why would a 70 year old man want to go for a walk alone with a 7 year old? You hear such awful news and I don't think I could forgive myself if she got molested

Am I over-reacting. Does it sound dodgy to you? I trust my intuition and it just totally freaked me out.

[carl yeomans]

I can see why and where your coming from, at the same time your asking complete stangers here on the net to justify your reactions, hmmmm.

[Cypher]

Just now my daughter who is 7 came in and asked "Mummy is it OK if I go for a walk up Lady's Walk with a man?" I was "WHAT MAN??" She said that he's nice and lives in the flats down the road. I marched down to his flat and approached him and said that "Its not OK for Chloe to go for a walk alone with you as I don't know you". To which he said that's fine as he was going for a walk anyway.

Anyway, Chloe was not happy with my decision and walked on in a huff saying that I'm ruining her life. I felt like saying the obvious that it could be worse iykwim.

Now why would a 70 year old man want to go for a walk alone with a 7 year old? You hear such awful news and I don't think I could forgive myself if she got molested

Am I over-reacting. Does it sound dodgy to you? I trust my intuition and it just totally freaked me out.

You made a choice, I would say trust your intuition and stick by it. I do not know you personally enough to give alot of advice but in my opinion a 7 year old does not have any say in the matter. Again I wont tell you how to parent, but at the end of the day the choice is made and why should you justify yourself to a 7 year old ??

I can see why and where your coming from, at the same time your asking complete stangers here on the net to justify your reactions, hmmmm.

To be honest, you can sometimes learn more from random strangers and tell them more than you can your own family.

[Meadster]

While you'll probably never know for sure here's my take on this....

1) as a parent you have to go on your instincts much of the time and I think you're on the mark here.

2) in this day & age any adult should be aware and "with it enough" to understand that it is not right for a 70 year old man to walk around with a 7 year old girl whose parent(s) he does not know.

He may turnout to be a perfectly safe, nice man, but he should have the sense to have talked to you first and even then you are wise to go with your instincts here. This may lead to an earlier than desired talk with your daughter about the reasons why you said "No" - tough to have that conversation with a 7 year old, but probably becoming necessary.

Good luck!

[IABoomer]

While I would understand your saying "no", what concerns me is how she was able to come into contact with this stranger in the first place, and what happened if he just walked off with her and didn't give her the chance to come back home to ask permission?

[dakwegmo]

There's nothing wrong with being cautious. Without knowing more of the story though, it's hard to say whether you're overreacting. If this guy approached your daughter and invited her to go for a walk with him, that would be a little suspicious to me. If on the other hand, your daughter asked him where he was going and invited herself to go with him, that would be something else entirely. For all we know, he might have just wanted to go for a walk by himself, and told your daughter to ask you first knowing full well that no parent in their right mind would just let a 7 year old go for a walk with a man they don't know.

[jamesev]

Whilst I would have gone the same way and said no, I do think this is how todays society has driven thinking, guily until proven innocent and thats it's weird for a 70 year old to ask a 7 year old to go for a walk.

I suppose its a case of 999 times out of 1000 it would be totally inncocent and they probably just wanted some company, but you never hear of any of those 999 cases of someone taking a child for a walk.

[Mr Guy]

I have to admit, the point I'm concerned about is more about how the seven year old was at "the flats down the road" by herself to get the invitation. My grandpa taught most of the neighbor kids to appreciate nature, safely walk around the neighborhood, and safely play with rifles and knives, and made the little girls whittled dolls and toys. He'd have never even considered it weird, assuming if the kid was old enough to hang around his house without supervision the parents already should know him. The only time I ever recall seeing him send kids to ask their parents was when it may interfere with a meal, like walking up to the drugstore to get his meds and candy for his accompaniment.

Your kid is still in significantly more danger from you personally, and the cars in between, then they are likely to be in danger from the random little old stranger down the street. It rarely pays to be stupid, but the dangerous old predator masked as a kindly old stranger is extremely rare, and falls in the same general category as the boogeyman, the hitchhiker that murders whoever picks him up, and gangs force someone to pick a victim by driving with their lights off. It's not that it's NEVER happened, but it's not likely.

[goss0063]

Does it seem dodgy? For sure, but mostly because of one reason and one reason alone.

The guy should have asked you. Full stop. No need to continue.

I've taken kids places, and I've been taken places as a kid. But you know what? Asking the parent was always involved. Especially when they are so young.

I can understand your daughter being off on her own (since I was off wandering the neighbourhood a lot when I was a kid) but an adult she doesn't know asks her to go for a walk and he didn't present himself to you first? That is worrying. Yes, she came to ask you permission first (thank God) but he is an adult and she is a child, it was his responsibility to present himself to you.

And heck, even then I would have still said no. Either that, or joined them on the walk.

I work with kids this age, and she will get over being mad with you. You can talk and reason with her as to why this couldn't happen, and why it isn't her fault.

Here's hoping this works out for you.

[candidrachel]

Thanks for the replies guys! I've had a chat with her about Stranger Danger.... again and reiterrated that she must always come and tell me where she is and who she is with and I did praise her for coming to ask me for my permission to go.

Chloe confessed when we had this chat that she and "J" (a friend who lives a few streets away) went round to "M"'s house (she told me his name) and watched telly. It was some children's channel while he read the paper.

She also said that his mummy died last year (that's her way of saying wife).

The block of flats where he lives is the same block that my husband's great aunt lives. She's away in Canda at the moment but when she gets back I shall ask her what she thinks like a character reference sort of. She's lived there for years so I'm sure if there was anything going on she's know about it.

As for Chloe going down there by herself. I've always encouraged my kids to go outside and play. All the kids in our neigbourhood play outside on their bikes, building dens, playing tag and hanging out at our house. It's important for their development and life skills to explore the neighbourhood within firm boundaries.

Its now the school holidays and I suspect its going to be a loooong summer with me checking to see if she is where she says she is.