Dilemma

[trudslev]

Hello there,


I looked through all the different forums and didn't find one suited for my question so I hope it's okay that I post it here.

Today I was contacted by my ex-girlfriend. She asked me to erase every picture I ever took of her (totally non-kinky headshots and close-ups of her eyes).

Of course I want to give her what she wants, but I can't help but feel like they are my pictures and she already gave me permission to take them. I am not planning on using them in any commercial or public way, but want to keep them as pictures to me, is my memories.

I guess the question is two-fold:

• Would it be wrong of me (ethically or morally) to keep the pictures against her will?
• Would it be illegal (I know depending on country and all that) for me to keep them if she doesn't want them to exist anymore?

I feel they are my pictures, since she gave me permission to take them. And I wrong there?

Let me know what you think.


Regards,

Sune

[hibou]

Interesting dilemma. So these aren't pictures in your portfolio or anything, they're just... on your harddrive?

Would it be wrong of me (ethically or morally) to keep the pictures against her will?

Yes.

Would it be illegal (I know depending on country and all that) for me to keep them if she doesn't want them to exist anymore?

No. At least, as far as I know.

[BCampbell]

Oh, you are in a deep hole here and it has nothing to do with the legality of photographs.

My current girlfreind actually recently went though this with an ex-friend, it ended in a restraining order.

Okay, legally, not a lawyer here but as she was your girlfriend at the time it can be assumed you were given consent. She could probably still enforce usage restrictions on you though, so she could probably tell you to cease and desist posting the photos anywhere, if she spends on a good lawyer. I can't see any way that you could be legally forced to delete the photos altogether.

Morally, well that's up to you. Personally, I think it's a ridiculous request; in my girlfiend's case, the guy's request meant her removing images that were part of her own memories, and that's asking too much.

But those are not the real questions. If you say no, will she escalate? If you think you can say no in a way that she will respond to reasonably, or if you can come up with a compromise, you're golden. Then, if you say yes or do compromise, do you think this will be the end of it? She is obviously doing this out of resentment. Her resentment probably doesn't stop there. If you give in, this is a sign to her that she can get to you and manipulate you, and she may keep doing it.

I don't know your situation but I'm guessing that something ended on a bad note or else she wouldn't care. I would be tempted not to reply. But your best reply is probably this:

"No. Please do not contact me again."

[RexK_Cozumel]

Where is the OP located?

if in the US you own the copyrights. you are under no legal obligation to delete the images. Realistically is it really worth the hassel to keep the images?

[doctorjames]

I would say no ask an answer to both questions to be honest. But like others you have to understand im not a lawyer!

If she gave consent to them being taken (and this can be implied consent not written) then she has no right to the photos either morally or legally. If you chose to make money out of the photos then she would however have recourse and this would be a completely different matter, as would using the photos in a malicious manner.

If you purely just want to keep the photos as a keepsake from a part of your life then I find her request unreasonable. I would echo BCampbell's comment of saying no, and would simply say :

'No, I dont think that is reasonable, you are welcome to a copy of them if you wish.'

And then leave it at that. She will probably see sense and call it a day.

[WooD]

If you just want to keep them for yourself, and have no plans on posting them anywhere, just tell her you dumped them.

How would she ever know?

[trudslev]

Thanks for all your input. I am located in Denmark, to answer that question.

She is already not happy with me, so saying no here, wouldn't hurt me anymore that I already am, but as I want to be fair, I just wanted to hear what other people though.

I could tell her I deleted them, and then not, but that would be dishonest, so I'd rather tell her I am keeping them. I am seriously not going to use them for anything, since that would require her consent.

I guess I will just tell her I am keeping them.

[BCampbell]

Originally Posted by trudslev

She is already not happy with me, so saying no here, wouldn't hurt me anymore that I already am, but as I want to be fair, I just wanted to hear what other people though.

I guess I will just tell her I am keeping them.

Okay, be a little careful.

I don't know how it works in Demark, but in most states in the US if you tell someone not to contact you and they keep contacting you, this is harassment and you can get the authorities involved. Up to an including the aforementioned restraining order. It might be good to make sure your bases are covered now, instead of letting things escalate.

[OsmosisStudios]

Originally Posted by BCampbell

I can't see any way that you could be legally forced to delete the photos altogether.

Court order. She'd have to sue - and win - in court. It's hard to get, but it is possible.

I say tell her to take a long walk off a short pier.

[DannyF1966]

Interesting question, interesting answers

Since the OP seems happy with the answers posted so far, may I be so bold as to expand on the original question and make it hypothetical?

1. What if the photos on your hard drive were taken with her camera (i.e. a night out, she passed her camera to a friend and asked them to take a photo of you both)?
2. What if the photos contained other people (i.e. a group shot of 3 couples on a night out)?
3. What if the photo was of a different main subject and she just happened to be in the background (i.e. a photo taken at a party or wedding)?
4. If a mutual friend had taken a photo of the two of you and put it online on their flickr page, would she have a right to ask them to remove it?

Personally, my answer to the OP's original question would be to say "No, sorry, they're my photos, in my private collection, they're part of my memories and I'll decide which ones I keep". But I'd maybe use a few more words than that!