Tickle my Funnybone !!

[candleman]

This is a game in which we share jokes!
the catch is.. you have to find a picture that YOU have taken that relates to the joke.
you post a joke or funny story, and a picture you've taken that relates to it. there doesnt have to be any correlation to the previous joke or picture.. thats just too dang hard

heres an example to kick things off:


************************************************
"Deer Meat"
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of
meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were
eager to know what type of meat was on their plates, so they begged
their dad for a clue.
Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother:
'Don't eat it, it's an asshole.. !! “

[stitchbug]

HAHA! im crackin up over here!!
so do i come up with a new joke, or use your joke?

[candleman]

Originally Posted by stitchbug

HAHA! im crackin up over here!!
so do i come up with a new joke, or use your joke?

u post your own joke.. and a picture that relates to it. it would be too hard if you had to come up with a joke that related to the previous one.. i dont know many myself.. this thread could change that.

i've updeted the first post typical of me to screw it up

[candleman]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't
taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from
the party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make
you your favourite dinner tonight.
I love you, darling!
Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...
what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,
and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order
and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

[stitchbug]

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed
below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say:
"You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking,
there is no difference in the outcome, since both result in death.

[stitchbug]

ive only got a fwe pics to work with, since im at work!

[candleman]

hahahhaha.. yup... sure death.
nice one

[FromtheBackofaHorse]

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

[mfhurst]

Dog Pet Peeves..

1. Blaming your farts on me….not funny….not funny at all !
2. Yelling at me for barking….I AM A DOG ! !
3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?!!!
4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose….Stop it!!!
6. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why’d you buy carpet?
7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet.
8. How you act! Disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you’re jealous.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello….have you noticed the fur?
10. Any haircut that involves bows & ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.
11. When you pick up the poop in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
12. Taking me to the vet for “the big snip,” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
13. The sleight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

[jiminyClickit]

Originally Posted by mfhurst

13. . . You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

Sorry, boy.