What’s Your Preference?

candleman · #21 (**permalink**) 03-08-2009, 11:42 PM

hahaha. these kids ones are brilliant.

GwenieThePooh · #22 (**permalink**) 03-09-2009, 12:57 AM

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.
The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.
"What", said Marge.
"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.
"What makes you think that", asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn."

FromtheBackofaHorse · #23 (**permalink**) 03-10-2009, 06:54 PM

The Salesman and the Dog

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, 'Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job.'

'Incredible!' exclaimed the man. 'I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!'

'No, no,' pleaded the dog. 'Please don't! If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone as well!'

GwenieThePooh · #24 (**permalink**) 04-01-2009, 11:14 AM

A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer cannot be found. So she drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking.

A few days later the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, 'No, I think I can stand over the hole'. So he stretched his legs over the width of the hole and said, 'grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up'. So the chicken grabbed hold of the horse's "thingy" and pulled herself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks!

Photo Lovin · #25 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 02:06 AM

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?

jiminyClickit · #26 (**permalink**) 09-07-2009, 07:07 PM

New designation for Swine Flu: Hamthrax

douglas · #27 (**permalink**) 09-09-2009, 09:46 PM

Three women go to Mexico ...
Three women go to Mexico one night to celebrate college Graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are To be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they Did the night before..

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is Asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God To intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and Nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees,
Beg for forgiveness, and they release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the
Power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to Their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from The Georgia Institute of Technology and just graduated with a Degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya'll right now, ya'll Ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."....

naeno · #28 (**permalink**) 09-10-2009, 04:54 PM

A married couple went to a marriage enhancement convention. The presenter told the class about how important it was to remember the little things. He stated as an example it was always important for husbands to know what their wife's favorite flower was. The husband leaned over and tenderly whispered in his wife's ear, "Yours is Pillsbury All-Purpose, right?"