Tickle my Funnybone !!

[AnnetteJ]

What's red and invisible?



No tomatoes.

[GwenieThePooh]

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'



Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly
....little cute............. And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around!!!

[mfhurst]

> >
> An elderly man in Georgia had owned a large farm for
> several years. He had a beautiful large pond at the back of
> the property next to the road, and he'd fixed it up real
> nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and he'd
> planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to the pond.
>
> One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond
> to look it over, as he hadn't been down there for a
> while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some
> fruit.
>
> As he neared the pond, he heard splashing and female voices
> shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw
> that 5 young women had parked their car at the side of the
> road, climbed the fence and were skinny-dipping in his
> pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all
> went hurriedly splashing to the deep end.
>
> One of the women shouted to him, 'We're naked and
> we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man
> frowned and yelled back, 'I didn't come down here
> to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of
> the pond.'
>
> Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to
> feed the alligator.'
>
> (Old Men Can Still Think Fast!!!)

[jiminyClickit]

GwenieThePooh,

"Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around!!!"

Probably one of those shifty Swiffers, getting the job done in half the time. (Actual ad line: "Go all the way clean.")

[mfhurst]

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. GO TO A SECOND-HAND STORE AND BUY A PAIR OF MEN’S USED SIZE 16 BOOTS.
2. PLACE THEM ON YOUR FRONT PORCH ALONG WITH A COPY OF GUNS&AMMO MAGAZINE.
3. PUT A FEW GIANT DOG DISHES NEXT TO THE BOOTS.
4. LEAVE A NOTE ON YOUR DOOR THAT READS...


HEY BUBBA, BIG JIM, DUKE AND SLIM-
I WENT TO THE GUN SHOP FOR MORE AMMUNITION. BACK IN AN HOUR. DON’T MESS WITH THE PIT BULLS, THEY ATTACKED THE MAILMAN AGAIN THIS MORNING AND MESSED HIM UP REAL BAD.
I DON’T THINK KILLER TOOK PART IN IT BUT IT WAS HARD TO TELL FROM ALL THE BLOOD.


P.S. I LOCKED ALL FOUR OF ‘EM IN THE HOUSE. YOU BETTER WAIT OUTSIDE.

[candleman]

Originally Posted by GwenieThePooh

Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.

Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around!!!

GROAN!!! lol

Originally Posted by mfhurst

I DON’T THINK KILLER TOOK PART IN IT BUT IT WAS HARD TO TELL FROM ALL THE BLOOD.

lolol... brilliant

[Guy With A Rebel]

What do you call a good looking pirate?



Aye Candy!

[abelkt]

Why parents drink...

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick
one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes ," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes ."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whi! spered, "No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the
earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a
helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME..."

.

[freezeframe03]

Originally Posted by abelkt

[B]Why parents drink..

hahaha he does look like he's going to give you a drinking problem. Adorable photo and goes so well with the joke. hahaha

[FromtheBackofaHorse]

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?," he said.

"Then I'll come home and eat!," bravely declared the child.

"And what if you run out of money?"

"I will come home and get some!," readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"

"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home; he's going off to college."