Personal vs Polished sales pitch

[mokka]

I think I may have taken too much business advice, it's leaving me feeling a bit confused over my best course of action.

My specific question is about putting together a covering letter to go out with flyers to potential clients. I had been happy with the letter I'd composed previously, and already taken advice from the organisation that gave me my start-up grant, the emphasis was on quite a personal and informs letter of introduction, but then I was asked by the local Chamber of Commerce if I could meet them for an update (as when I start trading I will be eligible for a year free membership).

The advisor there has suggested a few things for my covering letter, but the result seems too 'slick' if that's possible. He suggested hitting the benefits of my service in the opening paragraph, using the same line as I use in my flyer (five-star hospitality deserves five-star photography) and then ending with 'yours sincerely' instead of my favoured 'regards'. He also suggested I cut out words like 'I' and 'my'.

But now my letter looks like an advertorial from a trade magazine. All his suggestions make sense but I worry that business are getting sick of the slick marketeering approach and want more personality and individuality.

Does anyone have any ideas for a good compromise? For instance I decided to go with 'yours faithfully' as I cannot bring myself to sign a letter 'sincerely'. I'm sure sincerity isn't a quality people look for in a photographer, not even a commercial one. I'm trying to model myself on the graphic designers and web designers in my region as they seem to be enjoying a lot of success by being informal, quirky and approachable.

[Hill Country Hack]

There is nothing against tailoring your mailings to the intended recipient. More informal, quirky to the web/graphic designers and a more formal mailing to all others.