I like the picture, her expression and focus are good. I would crop a little off the top, maybe below the hair clip and see how that looks. Since you got so close to begin with, it might help to cut out some of the bright background.
I have found myself "freezing" when something doesn't go as planned. I have started writing everything down before I go to the shoot (pose ideas, props to be included, background, etc), but then not even looking at it once I get there. Just the act of writing it down helps me remember, but also helps me go with the flow a little more. Nothing ever goes perfectly to plan, but sometimes I get something even greater!
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