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The details you've captured in her face really tell a story.
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True, but what story? We know the story because we are told so. Without the explanation though, this shot looks a bit off. Why is her head turned that direction? What is that behind her? These are just a couple of questions I would be asking if I didn't already know the answers. That may be why you feel it just isn't right. If it were me, I would darken the background, forget the explanation, & let people decide what they will of the shot. The woman's portrait will stand on it's own. Her face looks very nice & does have a story to tell. You just need to leave that story up to the imagination of the person looking at the photo. You need to darken the background in order to achieve that goal though.
Hope this helps a little bit!
