What’s Your Preference?

Shutteraddict · #1 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 03:35 AM

Hello people, have not been on in a while and never posted off-topic b4. Long story short, been with my GF for over

a year now. Like all couple, we fight sometimes. But we would always manage to smooth things out. Anyways,

the past 6 months of the relationship have been long distance (3 hours), and the most recent month she has been

sending all those typical mixed signals a girl sends when she is thinking about ending the relationship. Loving,

smiling, and happy one minute, snapping the next. I finally confronted her, and told her that I was no idiot and

knew something was upwith her, and told her we needed to talk about it. She simply said, "I dont know whats

wrong with me." I told her if she needs time to think about anything, I would leave her alone and let her figure out

whatever it is thats on her mind. She met that with a very cold "I guess I do need some time to myself." I told her I

loved her, and that I could make it through the 18 month period we would need to be distant, but if she did not

think she could make it she needed to tell me sooner than later. Next day, she had removed all her pictures from f-

book (not just me and her,but all with her fam and such too). She kept up that she was in a relationship with me

though. A couple of days later, she put "like" on a picture of a star I took. I had always told her that "she" was my

superstar, and that when we were not around each other I could always look up and see her in it. Next day, I got a

phonecall a few mins after class (I'm 30 in school not a kid) that came up restricted. I sent her an e-mail telling

about it in case it was her. I apologized for bothering her and told her i just wanted to make sure she knew I was

not ignoring it in case it was her. She replied simply, "It was not me, but thank you for being so considerate

". Its

now been 10 days, and no word from her. I went on my f-book account today, and deleted all the photos of her,

but kept the relationship status up like she did. I would normally be in move on with my life mode, but she has

been so amazingly devoted to me and our future I am bewildered. Why would the only contact she gave me in

past ten days be to show me she liked a photo of a star I always compared to her? Why would she send me a

smiley face when she heard from me? I am not a desperate man for attention from the oppostite sex when I

pursue it, and I am not thinking my life is over or anything. It would hurt alot if she ends it, I am human, but she

knows as well as I do that I am not gonna go ignored as a single man for long. I love her, and I wonder what is

going on in her head. But i HATE the mixed signals! I just want reassurance that my time and emotions I have put

in are still worthy of investing, or if I should prepare myself for the break-up blow and start moving on with my life.

Anybody patient enough to read this and respond, my thanks are immense.

IABoomer · #2 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 03:51 AM

I would say line-breaks would help. This was pretty close to being tl;dr for me.

If all she did was remove pictures involving the two of you, I'd probably read it as a sign she was getting ready to move on. Since she's removing pictures of several relationships, including family, I'd read it that she might be going through a depressive phase. That whole "I don't know what's wrong with me" kind of attitude very often accompanies the onset of depression.

I'd be inclined to suggest she talk to someone about how she's feeling and decide if therapy and/or some medication might help get her head straight.

Just my $0.02. I am not a doctor, lawyer, nor did I sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night. Void where prohibited. Lather, rinse, repeat.

CheaperKings · #3 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 03:56 AM

Run! Run like the wind and NEVER look back!

Seriously though, I know absolutely jack shit about relationships. I've been married for 7 years and I'm still trying to figure it out. Good luck!

Shutteraddict · #4 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 04:03 AM

Boomer- i know this is way off topic, just had no other places to post. You saying the deprsession phase thing MAY be right on point. She has slumped terribly in the past from it, and recently she said she felt like she was dropping back into it. I would want nothing more than to be there for her, BUT SHE'S SOOO COLD. Not fair to me. But if thats the case I am soooo worried about her and think maybe i should not have removed all her pics from my status.

Kings- LOL, I know what you mean man. I have been in relationships were I HAVE ran for the hills. This one is diferent though. Got me all twisted up.

Shutteraddict · #5 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 04:05 AM

Kings- btw, thats a bad-ass Joker pic

CheaperKings · #6 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 04:15 AM

I have been there, bro. It's all good/bad. I hope everything works out for you but, if not, look to the future. That's what keeps us from killing people for no real good reason. lol

CheaperKings · #7 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shutteraddict

Kings- btw, thats a bad-ass Joker pic

Thank you very much.

zona5101 · #8 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 06:29 AM

so if Boomer is right and shes nuts - time to get out
if she's just moody - don't need that - time to get out
playing games with the "i don't know whats wrong with me"bs - time to get out
she really doesn't know whats wrong with her? then there is something wrong with her - time to get out.
smilling one minute, snappy the next? !@&*! that - time to get out.
You're only one year in don't make it more - time to get out.
At 30 you're too old for this $hit, move on already.
And have one of you guy friends punch you for posting this dear abby drivel.
nut up my brother.

graciousness · #9 (**permalink**) 01-15-2012, 06:44 AM

I am going to throw in a little bit more of a feminine side of point of view on this.

If she is depressive and it looks like she is, this is not something that can just be ignored or overlooked. It's not just a state of mind where one can say, "just get over it" as it's not that easy. It's like saying, "just get over your sickness already, ok? It's all in your head."

You need to understand her state of depression. If you do decided to stay and be with her, this is something you will always deal with. You need to decide if this is something you can handle and support her with. If you can't, then do both yourself a favour and end the relationship.

Now, in regards to how you have handled this, I just have to say you're just being as emotional about this as she is with her self 'issues'. You told her if she needs space, you would give it to her. She took you up on that offer, and then you freak out. Not really fair, is it? It's only been ten days that you hadn't heard from her and you remove her photos from your facebook account. Who's freaking out here?

Look, I'm not saying you've acted badly in regards to this matter. You are you and I'm sure you are trying to cope with this the best way possible. But you need to do some own thinking for yourself - are you really sure that you can handle the ups and downs of this relationship? It's not an easy relationship to maintain, being that (1) it's a long distance relationship; and (2) you are both going through security issues in your own way.

If you want to be with her, be with her. But I think you need to know who she is and what she is and accept her, including her depression. That's a part of her. As she needs to do the same with you. Long distance relationships are freaking hard and you both need to be very, very strong to persevere with it.

Is this difficult relationship worth it for both of you?

I'm not unfamiliar with long distance relationships. There is a reason why I live here now in Australia when I used to live there in the US.

There is a saying that goes: "Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."

Love is never easy, my dear.