ACK!! A man!!!!

Lenore Skenazy: Eek! A Male! - WSJ.com

Almost the same as a man with a camera! He must be a child molester!

By LENORE SKENAZY

Last week, the lieutenant governor of Massachusetts, Timothy Murray, noticed smoke coming out of a minivan in his hometown of Worcester. He raced over and pulled out two small children, moments before the van's tire exploded into flames. At which point, according to the AP account, the kids' grandmother, who had been driving, nearly punched our hero in the face.

Why?

Mr. Murray said she told him she thought he might be a kidnapper.

And so it goes these days, when almost any man who has anything to do with a child can find himself suspected of being a creep. I call it "Worst-First" thinking: Gripped by pedophile panic, we jump to the very worst, even least likely, conclusion first. Then we congratulate ourselves for being so vigilant.

Consider the Iowa daycare center where Nichole Adkins works. The one male aide employed there, she told me in an interview, is not allowed to change diapers. "In fact," Ms. Adkins said, "he has been asked to leave the classroom when diapering was happening."

Now, a guy turned on by diaper changes has got to be even rarer than a guy turned on by Sponge Bob. But "Worst-First" thinking means suspecting the motives of any man who chooses to work around kids.

Maybe the daycare center felt it had to be extra cautious, to avoid lawsuits. But regular folk are suspicious, too. Last February, a woman followed a man around at a store berating him for clutching a pile of girls' panties. "I can't believe this! You're disgusting. This is a public place, you pervert!" she said—until the guy, who posted about the episode on a website, fished out his ID. He was a clerk restocking the underwear department.

Given the level of distrust, is it any wonder that, as the London Telegraph reported last month, the British Musicians' Union warned its members they are no longer to touch a child's fingers, even to position them correctly on the keys? Or that a public pool in Sydney, Australia last fall prohibited boys from changing in the same locker room as the men? (According to the Daily Telegraph in Sydney, the men demanded this, fearing false accusations.)

What's really ironic about all this emphasis on perverts is that it's making us think like them. Remember the story that broke right before Christmas? The FBI warned law-enforcement agencies that the new Video Barbie could be used to make kiddie porn. The warning was not intended for the public but it leaked out. TV news celebrated the joy of the season by telling parents that any man nice enough to play dolls with their daughters could really be videotaping "under their little skirts!" as one Fox News reporter said.

This queasy climate is making men think twice about things they used to do unselfconsciously. A friend of mine, Eric Kozak, was working for a while as a courier. Driving around an unfamiliar neighborhood, he says, "I got lost. I saw a couple kids by the side of the road and rolled down my window to ask, 'Where is such-and-such road?' They ran off screaming."

Another dad told me about taking his three-year-old to play football in the local park, where he'd help organize the slightly older kids into a game. Over time, one of the kids started to look up to him. "He wanted to stand close to me, wanted approval, Dad stuff, I guess. And because of this whole 'stranger danger' mentality, I could sense this sort of wary disapproval from the few other parents at the playground. So I just stopped going."

And that's not the worst. In England in 2006, BBC News reported the story of a bricklayer who spotted a toddler at the side of the road. As he later testified at a hearing, he didn't stop to help for fear he'd be accused of trying to abduct her. You know: A man driving around with a little girl in his car? She ended up at a pond and drowned.

We think we're protecting our kids by treating all men as potential predators. But that's not a society that's safe. Just sick.

Ms. Skenazy is a public speaker and author of the blog and book, "Free-Range Kids" (Wiley, 2010).

Copyright 2011 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[scootermcq]

One day while my car was in the shop I was taking public transit home... There was a young lady of approx 15 years of age severely intoxicated on the bus. She had been sick on her self and was on the verge of passing out on public transit. My first instict was to take her off the bus at my stop and drive her home to her parents in my wife's car. All sorts of horrible things can happen to a young lady in that state in the evening while alone. Upon reflection, I realized people on the bus might take exception to my actions and her parents certainly would have concerns about a male in his 40's bringing home their underaged daughter intoxicated.

I finally suggested to the driver that he radio someone in dispatch about having this poor girl looked after.

I got off the bus feeling guilty about doing almost nothing for her, but in our society today I could see no other course of action.

[Nik0nator]

Originally Posted by scootermcq

One day while my car was in the shop I was taking public transit home... There was a young lady of approx 15 years of age severely intoxicated on the bus. She had been sick on her self and was on the verge of passing out on public transit. My first instict was to take her off the bus at my stop and drive her home to her parents in my wife's car. All sorts of horrible things can happen to a young lady in that state in the evening while alone. Upon reflection, I realized people on the bus might take exception to my actions and her parents certainly would have concerns about a male in his 40's bringing home their underaged daughter intoxicated.

I finally suggested to the driver that he radio someone in dispatch about having this poor girl looked after.

I got off the bus feeling guilty about doing almost nothing for her, but in our society today I could see no other course of action.

If you ask me you did exactly the right thing, you showed your concern by asking the driver to take notice.

[Krusty79]

Yes, the pendulum has swung too far.

My friend worked on the Animal Planet tour where they would pull into town with a caravan of vehicles and setup in some park to give demonstrations. My friend was the MC of the show they performed in a tent. He was told that if he ever found himself alone with a child in the tent, he should immediately RUN, not walk, out of the tent so no one could accuse him of anything.

I had one incident a few years back where I was in college.

I looked pretty scraggly and had a wicked long goatee. Probably kinda scary looking actually, I wear a lot of black clothes.

Anywhoozle, I was at the top of an escalator at the mall and a little girl was standing at the top looking very scared and looking down at her mom trying to coax her along. The girl all of 3 years old maybe looked to me as if I should do something. I saw mom and she saw me, so I felt comfortable holding out my finger so she could grab onto it as we rode the escalator down to mom where the mother was very grateful and the little girl was returned to her safely. Mom didn't give me any looks about my appearance or thought I was going to abduct her, so that's a plus.

It felt nice and I'll probably always remember that moment in my life.

[naeno]

A couple months ago, we were at a restaurant eating lunch. Our middle-aged waiter had been fairly attentive over the meal and we were about 3/4 done. The waiter came over to check on us again, and my 3 yo son jumped out of his seat, ran over to the waiter, and said, "You are my new friend and I love you!" Internally, I had a mixed reaction of, "Oh, that's so sweet!" and "I need to teach him more about stranger danger." We finished the meal and my husband took the kids to pay while I tidied up a bit at the table. The waiter came over to me and said, "I will NEVER forget what your son said to me today. It meant so much to me!" He gave me a hug and I left.

It's such a fine line we walk these days. I want my children to be friendly, but understand that there are dangers. It's sad what the few sickos have done to our whole society.

[RLucas]

Originally Posted by naeno

It's sad what the few sickos have done to our whole society.

Agreed. Few being the operative word. The thing is now, the cause and effect is starting to become blurred. Are the parents really that much more apprehensive about strangers? Or are the strangers aware of people thinking that the boogey man is lurking everywhere, so they act more standoffish, and appear to be up to no good because they are themselves scared of being stereotyped or even accused?

[faeriegodess612]

I think something to consider here. Now, I'm no parent, but I do remember being a child. Have you ever heard of that whole thing, that if children and animals are easily accepting of someone, then generally theyre harmless. I've always gone with that instinct. I tend to avoid people that send up that red flag. Even as a child, I learned to go with it. Maybe we could teach our children what a gut instinct is, and when to follow it?

I remember when I was 3, our family vacation to Pensacola Florida. I was too little to get in the water, the smallest waves would knock me over. So these two beach bums dug out a pit in the sand, where the waves would keep it filled. I remember sitting there playing in it, and I'd look at the two beach bums because something about them made me feel uneasy, then I'd look to make sure that my Dad was still where I could see him. If I couldnt see him, I wouldve freaked.