[Palladius]

IMO..... You're the photographer if the photograph is a representation of your vision of the scene. If you set up the camera to capture a certain scene, the mechanics of how exactly it's captured doesn't matter, so long as you arranged for it to be the case.

So, if your mother-in-law decides what to shoot, and what to capture, then she is the photographer. On the other hand, if you carefully set up your camera and flash and waterproof box and motion-sensitive trigger in a remote mountain pass in Kashmir and capture a rare sighting of a snow leopard then that was all you, even if you were 200km away when the shutter went.

Also, I'd say it's a self-portrait if you're the photographer and the subject... even if it is just your little finger, if that's the subject of the photo, and it's you, and you're the photographer, then it's a self-portrait.... might not be a very good self-portrait, though!