I have to be honest, IMO there is no place at a funeral for photographers at all. I suppose it's different for everyone, but having someone take photos of me while I'm trying to hold myself together would offend me. It's a private moment that you're sharing with your friends and family, sure, but I would feel very much like my privacy was being invaded if someone was documenting it in this way.
Please don't think I'm having a go at you personally, you've already stated that you were asked to take the photos, so you weren't exactly popping out from behind corners or anything invasive. I guess I'm just putting an opinion out there in case your question was because you were thinking of offering it as a professional service.
That's just my 10c anyway, sorry I don't have any suggestions on ettiquite for you.
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